sometime we need to burst into tears… the sorrows needed to spring out. but very few lucky person can make it. who can guarantee the happiness? its too relative… you can’t be sure. you can’t say you’ll be happy or sorry only for your own reasons… i don’t know how people could make such ‘perfect’ music. i am listening ‘maresias’ of dj robert miles in a loop… its so perfect for this moment. its taking me somewhere i don’t know… making me feel i am alone… thats happiness! i have some really very important work to do but can’t concentrate. the reasons are so silly but heart breaking. i need to burst…

Sometime we should stay just alone… inside a cave if possible, to realize or to think or just only give us a space. These days I am passing too much time just inside my room… watching my watched favorite movies again and again, whispering with myself, sometime drawing, sleeping, taking notes from movie, book; writing words… meaningful, meaningless both; talking over phone, feeling happy… sometime worst. I was just watching a movie ‘a walk to remember’… i took few notes from this movie

love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It doesn’t take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sin… but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope… and endure whatever comes.

I am not so good to understand all it says, but I liked it. I don’t know actually what I am thinking now. It’s the another good thing of being alone… you can keep your mind blank for minutes, hours… you can pass the time just think about nothing. In life there happen something which is ‘like the wind, i can’t see it but feel it’. Ha ha ha…

Tuesday 03:02 am

As far I know I should have some particular way of expressing my emotions that will present me as an individual. I am not sure… do I have any? I am having some very bad feeling for some particular reason and I wanted to express those as my instinct says. I want to go somewhere that I even don’t know, I want to be so isolate and shed some tears and wash away what hurting me. But no way… my professionalism never allows doing so. I have lot of targets to fulfill, many schedules to meet. I am not that much big person but I already could find so many obstacles around me. Some say it’s my problem… I could break all those if I wish. Yes, I also think so and I desperately want to do so. But I don’t know… why I can’t…

Well, don’t feel pity for me. I think I’ve exaggerated my thinking a bit. But its true and I think many people in this materialistic life having such problem like me. It’s natural that my work should have the reflection of my mental condition. But it’s not practical if you work in a balance corporate environment. They maintain such a work flow where you’ll behave just like a machine… it doesn’t matter what you have in your mind. You are just a performer… performing your roll as the script says.

My concept about love has changed within last few months. It seems so easy, again more complicated than I’ve imagined. But it’s true that love made many things visible to me. I never find myself that much emotional before. I always kept a strategy ‘never tell the girl how you feel about her, just keep it inside you’. Well, I had some logics for such attitude which are not working now. Love let you pick colors from whatever you see, it makes you concern that when the moon gets the biggest shape, and it makes you feel that a rain drop isn’t just a water drop. Again it’ll let you find some pain that you might never felt… shed your tears no matter how tough person you are or even make the total life meaningless though you are very successful in your professional or academic life. Years back I saw a movie ‘enemy at the gate’ where the story was about two soldiers who fallen in love with a same girl. A war isn’t always a conflict between two nations. Love causes war too. If you don’t agree with me that means you have to fall in love very soon.


Nb: don’t take the ‘war’ part as a funny matter… its serious. You could find hundreds of example from the history of world. Even I could begin the world war iii for only the cause of love.

[it’s one of my oldest post. first i’ve published it in my msn space a year back. it’s still one of my favorite writing.]


tomorrow is ‘pohela falgun’ - the 1st day of Spring… we called it ‘boshonto’ in Bangla. its one of the most colorful festival here. i don’t know why, but people use ‘yellow shades’ to represent the boshonto. girls wear yellow sharis, boys wear panjabi (i never do it, because it seems little funny to me)… mostly those boys and girls who are in an affair try to celebrate this day. it got a different meaning since last few years. 13 february is pohela falgun, 14 february is valentine day. so these two days became a synonyms for each other. we are a lucky nation…people around the world celebrate valentine day just for one day, but we celebrate it double day.

i’ve published a post in my previous blog about ‘love around me’ few months ago. it’s still one of my best writing. i yet couldn’t able to say that girl about what i feel. so love is still the biggest mystery to me. to be honest, i spend time everyday in thinking about this girl… though i am sure she isn’t concern about it at all and now when i am writing this line it seems very silly, but its damn true. may be that’s the finest part of love… its silly but no way to overlook. sometime i find myself so unlucky… again so lucky. love could be a problem but we dare to face that problem…