Sometime we should stay just alone… inside a cave if possible, to realize or to think or just only give us a space. These days I am passing too much time just inside my room… watching my watched favorite movies again and again, whispering with myself, sometime drawing, sleeping, taking notes from movie, book; writing words… meaningful, meaningless both; talking over phone, feeling happy… sometime worst. I was just watching a movie ‘a walk to remember’… i took few notes from this movie

love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It doesn’t take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sin… but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope… and endure whatever comes.

I am not so good to understand all it says, but I liked it. I don’t know actually what I am thinking now. It’s the another good thing of being alone… you can keep your mind blank for minutes, hours… you can pass the time just think about nothing. In life there happen something which is ‘like the wind, i can’t see it but feel it’. Ha ha ha…

Tuesday 03:02 am

It was like a dream and my luck clicked just at the very right time. I have a laptop of my own now… it’s true. Last two days were required to believe that I really got it at last. It’s a Toshiba satellite a215 series with amd athlon 1.80 dual-core processor, 160 gb hdd, 2048 mb ram and 15.4 diagonal display. I got the courage to buy it after getting a handsome payment from one of my work. It was really tough to decide the brand and I was really surprised with the cost that here local vendors were asking. Its almost double than the asking online price. but I am lucky that way. i came to know about the clickbd.com and I find there this laptop at the very first click. I was sure about my requirements and I just decided to buy it at the very first moment. Then it took few more days for the negotiation and other preparation and at last I got it in my hand on last Sunday. I got it in a very convenient price which I even couldn’t imagine. I don’t know exactly whom I should thank. Because there were many people involve in the total story. I am grateful to all of them.

#1: 1993, as far i remember this was my first picture that was taken in a studio. #2: 1995, i think this time was real wonderful time for me. #3: i was getting tall and thin…


There was a sudden difference in usual life just for few hours. After 3-4 months I went to my village to see my parents. There were some noticeable changes. The muddy thin way turned into a concrete black pitch way and motor vehicle took the place instead of the rickshaw. I was bit upset watching all these developments. Life needs some differences… I don’t want to see all the boring modernity everywhere. I’ve spent some hours there all alone… under the full moon, overflowing everything with the moonlight and for the first time I realized the moon also has a ‘rise’ and ‘set’ time like the sun… when the sun sets in the west, at the same time the moon rises in the east. But I think it happens just for few certain days… I don’t know why. Well I got lot of time to think about myself… my past, present and future. I left my village 15 years back… I was just a homesick kid then. May be that was the actual beginning of the loop… I am moving around circles which are changing their diameter basing on the perspective of time. After 15 long years I found the same homesick kid just with a bit wider and more complex circle around him… is wishing whole heartedly to get back to the beginning… for a fresh start. But it’s impossible … he is in an own made loop which he possibly can’t break himself.

all alone… photograph by dev


I got a fever from this morning… with a serious headache. So I canceled some of work schedule and staying home right now. But before came to home I went to idb to buy some dvds and watching movies all through the day. I just saw ‘into the wild’ and feeling some wild idea in my burning head. Well from the very childhood I am carrying a dream in my mind… one day I’ll run away from here and will be lost from my known world forever. The movie was exactly about this subject. So I was inspiring and finding all happiness just in being alone. A promising young graduate run away from home and went to Alaska and lived in a magic bus for more than hundred days. He found his life so happy and free. But at the end before he died he wrote just one sentence in his book ‘happiness only real when shared’. I also found too many ‘buts’ around me. ‘Nobody cares’ is a favorite quote to me and I also try to believe it… though it’s always not true actually. I find too many people who really care about me and I also do the same thing. Ooo… just I got a message from one of my friend ‘she is really pretty’. So I think I am not getting the chance to run away very soon.

22.03.08, 10:45 pm

My concept about love has changed within last few months. It seems so easy, again more complicated than I’ve imagined. But it’s true that love made many things visible to me. I never find myself that much emotional before. I always kept a strategy ‘never tell the girl how you feel about her, just keep it inside you’. Well, I had some logics for such attitude which are not working now. Love let you pick colors from whatever you see, it makes you concern that when the moon gets the biggest shape, and it makes you feel that a rain drop isn’t just a water drop. Again it’ll let you find some pain that you might never felt… shed your tears no matter how tough person you are or even make the total life meaningless though you are very successful in your professional or academic life. Years back I saw a movie ‘enemy at the gate’ where the story was about two soldiers who fallen in love with a same girl. A war isn’t always a conflict between two nations. Love causes war too. If you don’t agree with me that means you have to fall in love very soon.


Nb: don’t take the ‘war’ part as a funny matter… its serious. You could find hundreds of example from the history of world. Even I could begin the world war iii for only the cause of love.

Ignorance is bless… I often find these words very true. As much we learn our life become more complicated. Sometime I dream such a life very far away from here, out of all modernity, with very basic knowledge to survive. I’d like to pass all of my life with the belief that the things I didn’t see are just alike I’ve imagined. I don’t want to discover anything; I don’t want to ‘break my heart’. But my ‘logic’, so called ‘knowledge’ doesn’t allow me to do that. It insists me to do so what I don’t want to do. Last 7 days I’ve passed almost 60% of time in front of computer. I’ve worked for money, to buy food, luxury. My prehistoric fathers who might didn’t have so much ‘knowledge’ that I keep now, did the same thing. But they were happier than me. They just thought about the world around the cave, the people whom they could see. The earth was cool, resourceful. Some people say we are more civilized now to have a better life. They talk about technology, science which brings some difference between the prehistoric and modern life. But it doesn’t make any sense to me. 10 years back when mobile phone was a dream to me, I had some strange feeling about it. Now though I am keeping such thing, still have the strange feeling about some other things. It’s endless… more I am getting, my demands also increasing with the same ratio. So I find myself miserable when I start thinking about this. Actually I am such a powerless animal which is rolling with the time to an indefinite destination…