sometime i wish, somehow i'll know what's happening in that world where i must have to go!
what is death? it’s one of my favorite thinking when I feel lonely… death is loneliness… absolute loneliness! The day before yesterday I saw someone known to me passed away. I was thinking when walking with the funeral procession to the graveyard… I have the same destiny! It’s being said that spirit never dies. So how I am going to exist with only that spirit? I can’t imagine… but it’s reality that people will forget me as I’ve already forgotten many of my dearest persons. People like me who believe in god always pray a ‘peaceful’ life after the death. I don’t know what the word ‘peaceful’ means here. Is it something like tolerable loneliness?
Saturday, September 05, 2009 | 01:05
it’s very bad time… in every way. i can’t explain it and i can’t hold it. sometime it seems i am making it worst… why i am not ignoring it?
i was talking with one of my friend:
helal: wat u think abt nature:
me: i wish to die when i found it very beautiful
h: wat da definition of death to u?
m: the deepest sleep… i felt it sometime – forgetting about my existence… as if i am nothing
h: if u blv in religion – its not like tht – death is something different
m: i know that… but i have some other thinking – for bad the sleep is full of bad dreams – and for good… it’s painless
h: only romantic ppl speak like this – its not true – incorrect hypothesis – bad dreams and even pain vary among ppl – its all about how you preserve ur doings – because – dreams are projected from ur memory cell – if u can forget… dreams are always painless – some ppl even dont dream anything
—
h: death – some ppl await death
—
h: ppl die in some cases – even if they can take breathe
death is to me, the termination of some state
1. careness for anything/anybody
2. urge for any expected incident to be occurred
3. charm of life
m: well said – i agree
h: lol – and ppl expect death in some cases (except humaiyan the great)
1. when he/she finds no way out
2. when he/she cant tolerate the insult
3. when he/she loses the most precious thing(local idea) of his/her life
locality means the limitation of knowledge – wat he thinks true in local can be false in global – so as human being most of the time cant see the life as whole – his thoughts are limited
m: i don’t know so many things… but i am finding some similarities with my thinking
h: because in knowledge, i live in the same domain – so there must be similarities
m: to me… it probably could be an exit of the pain i am having now
Monday, August 03, 2009 | 00:48
I am thinking lot about this matter for last few days. We are hurrying to a destination… willingly or unwillingly. There will be one day when I’ll be not here and it’s obvious. I am trying to imagine the scene; a world without my physical existence! Will be there any difference? Human mind can forget or absorb some sorrow very quickly… it’s needed to survive. So how long and how many people is going to remember me? I had a friend who passed away at the age of 15 and to be honest now I just can imagine his blurry face. But when he was with us, it was impossible to avoid him in any incident. A religious person told me a story about the life after death. When a person passes away us we bury him/her. For first few days we mourn lot, pray for the soul, go to the grave and discuss lot about his /her activities. Then we start forgetting… we start remember him /her occasionally and after 1/2 generation, everything fade away. At this time the God come to the soul and say “no one is here to remember you or support you, now you are all alone. So let’s analyze the deeds you’ve done in your physical life.” After hearing this story I tried to remember my grand and grand grandfathers-mothers. I could remember just few faces among hundreds. People say dying is a part of life and we all are hurrying to fulfill this part of life.
Thursday, January 31, 2008 | 19:58
This time I became sure that mountains are beautiful during the rainy season. Everything seems clean and fresh that time though leaches could suck your blood. Its winter and the weather are dry and rough. We went through the same foot prints those we drew on last May [ read the previous story ]. But this time we were in a small group with less team spirit and less glamor. I had to fight lot to manage the time. I keep recalling my memories all through the way. We reached the boga lake by 29 December evening. We were prepared to face a hard cold but the weather was much warmer than the city. The home where we lived this time was a cool place than last time. It was very comfortable in every way. On 30 December some of our friend went to the peak of keokradong. We were out of all networks and that was the biggest relaxation. No regular schedule, no hurry, no boss, no computer, no mobile … drinking lake water, having tasteless same food in breakfast, lunch, dinner with a great eagerness, trying to enjoy every single moment. On 31, the sun set with great sorrow from sky of boga lake area. A deadly road accident happened on the way to boga lake, took a death toll of 4 persons. At the earlier night someone brought a dead cobra. He said it attacked him on the way so that he killed it. It brought lot of excitement to the tribal and as well as the tourists. They cooked the cobra and many of our friends took it with a great excitement. We set a fire and roasted a goat. On the first moment of New Year everyone start dancing, most of drunk till throat. The night grew older and moon started shining from behind the big mountains. That was the nicest part of the whole tour.
Next morning we got up with a spirit to walk 17 km way back. I walked the same way last time but this time it was too hard. The sun was burning all the time. Once it happened we finished the last drop of the water and had to walk another hour to find a water source. All tiredness came zero when I took a long bath in the river of sangu. It was a biggest achievement this time. Ruma bazaar is too known to us and we spend few useless hours there. Some of us wanted to get back earlier to banadarban. But most of us liked to stay motionless. 2 January, we start our journey back to Dhaka. There was a huge traffic jam on the way. It was a great time… but not so great as it was before.
Ok, I’ve learnt few things,
- >> He is a foolish who pretends to be a good, sober person all the time.
- >> ‘Out of sight out mind’ isn’t always true. Sometime you should go far to measure the depth of your sight.
Thursday, January 10, 2008 | 15:37
Sometime I find some contradiction in myself. I always pretend as a simple person with simple thinking… doesn’t keep any big ambition… always try for those things which are available around me. But practically often I find myself very complicated which either I can’t support or ignore. It’s a very painful experience. From my very childhood I grew up with a dream- one day I’ll run away from here and hide myself in an unreachable place… which I even don’t know. So I don’t keep a good plan about my life or I didn’t try to be an important person to my family. But now sometime I realize I am getting involved with some serious things that I never wanted to. I want to blame someone but don’t get any except the time. I used to recite the sentence ‘time will say’ but never looked so deeply into it. It’s a very rude truth…
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 | 18:09
sometime my own attitude scared me. it seems completely insane. i loose my control and can’t realize actually what i am doing or thinking or even talking. i don’t know why this happen. today the day started with a crazy behavior of mine. i really couldn’t understand why did i act like this. its hurting me all through the day. i could hear the news on tv… the same news… the cyclone disaster!
last night i took a sudden decision of sit for the GRE test. today i got admitted to a coaching center for the preparation and i went there to attend the first class. i was very much hungry and i went to dominus pizza to have something before my class. i had few minutes and i asked the dominus person to serve me something ready made. he gave me a burger with french fries. it was ok… i took a glass of drinks too. after finishing the food i went to the counter to pay the bill. 230 taka! i was astonished! how it could be happen? i asked again. the waiter came and say ‘the burger costs 175 taka and the drinks 55 taka’. it sounds funny to me… i felt everything- everyone is making fun with me. then i came to the class. i think you could guess what happened there. there were no teacher or student. the front desk person told me that i got a wrong information. actually the class suppose to be happen tomorrow morning. i made a call one of my friend. its was early night, so i wanted to spend the time with any friend. i called once, twice… no reply. i walked alone for an hour, stand motionless beside the road, see people, running bus… passing me…
Monday, November 19, 2007 | 11:35